Rants and exhortations in the form of an artistic obstacle course that only the wittiest can navigate. Take it as a challenge to beat the Staff Writers at their own game.

1. Either your first or last sentence must begin with “On that note…” 2. You must write in the first-person only. 3. Your title should contain at least one of the following – an internal rhyme, an onomatopoeic word, an alliteration, an oxymoron or a malapropism. 4. You must keep your word count below 600. 5. You must use a semicolon effectively, at least once. 6. You must have at least two sentences that are over 60 words long OR you must have one paragraph which is one sentence long. 7. You must use the word notwithstanding/hereafter/aforementioned once.

On that note, we’ll go wait by our laptops with bated breath to take you on.